cereus: Ringtail Cat climbing tree (Default)
Note:  This post is about things that other people have done *to* me, and the effects that has had.  I might post about the intrinsic stuff later.

TW: for f-ed up coercive therapy
(although I'm not going to be too graphic)

When I went through puberty, though, all these things started to happen that I knew were not quite right.  But I knew what would be right.  I could feel it in my bones.  And all the things that felt right put me with this group of people called "men".  And so I did things to signify that I was in that group.  Things like not wearing makeup or nail polish, not wearing a bra, calling myself "like a boy" and "a tomboy".  Things were hard - but I was figuring out a way of living with the hard things that worked for me.

In many ways "feminine"* things are more suited to me.  I love colors and playing with different clothing combinations.  I love cooking and other domestic ways of enriching the world.  (Although me in bras still makes me WTF.)

*But none of this stuff is inherently female.

My wearing different clothes, not wearing makeup, etc. were my ways of communicating (my only ways of communicating)  which category I should be in.   And it was also part of me *thinking* about those very same things  (when you don't think in words, sometimes objects become your "diary" in terms of working out your thoughts).

So before I had fully sorted out my feelings, I started to be trained out of all the physical signs of them.  Extensive, one-on-one training.

Confusion.  I didn't even know who or what I was.  Even though some of the things I felt and did are textbook *Trans.

for years I've felt that what they did was "not that bad"  (even though the hurt goes deep) or just "trying to help me" or "necessary". (even though those aren't valid excuses for hurting people.)

This is just one of the reasons I have a problem with how people talk about Mentally Disabled people.

The current conception of autism and developmental disorders - of differences being mostly "meaningless behaviors" and "not understanding socialization". makes Reparative Therapy seem "more OK" to do to Autistic people.  It makes it seem helpful at times.

And this is also why I still don't dress as flashily or as colorfully as I'd like.  Or use nail polish for anything.  Because everything still has that taint of force/coercion to it.  And it's a long hard road to embrace it again and clean it.  But I'm glad I'm on that road now.

cereus: Cereus cactus blossom (Cereus)
Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords was shot at a store where she was meeting her constituents.  She might be dead.

I can't write anymore, I can't think.

Fuck.  I hope everyone's ok, especially her.


All I can say, is if you've had an election, and you go forth and shoot the person elected, you're not the voice of the people, just an assassin.

EDIT:  She's actually dead, at least that's what it sounds like.

EDIT: Actually she's alive, but very seriously wounded, including a head wound and is in surgery.  Now she's out of surgery, awake, and responding to commands. Thank Gods.  But other people are dead. :(

cereus: Ringtail Cat climbing tree (FailCafe)

Obama, in the middle of a speech castigating the Bush presidency for their attitudes towards the Guantanamo detainees introduced the idea of "Prolonged Detention". So now people can be detained for years "even though they might not be convicted of any crimes" just to protect us from the crimes they may commit.




I'm reminded of the movie "Minority Report" en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Minority_Report_(film)
And apparently I'm not the only one.


Liberty is a basic human right!  Our constitution contains guarantees against inprisonment without conviction.

This is unacceptable.

May 2017



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