Sep. 1st, 2009 04:10 pm
cereus: Ringtail Cat climbing tree (Loveless)
So a couple nights ago was an incredibly hard time for both Raven and I.  I because of grief and sorrow about impending loss combined with hanging out with a friend who annoys and overloads me. And Raven about the latest book on food and the future of food security he had read.
We're both grappling with this stuff still, but this Night took a lot of the stress away.

Scene description here... ) 
Healing is good, whatever form it takes.

Warning: Rough draft.  Rough and incoherent.

cereus: Ringtail Cat climbing tree (Rainbow)

I’ve been seeing so much recently on the ‘webs and in society in general about “usual” people “most people” the idea that there’s one standard that people should live up to or that there’s some cosmic totem pole we’re all arranged on from best to worst. That the “Norm” is inherently better, that the “outliers” are inherently better.


All of these rely on the idea of the holy “norm”.  The “norm” is defined as the people or things that are one standard deviation away from the average.  On a graph that’s generally a bell curve. The outliers are the ones that are out on the edges of said bell curve.  Now the mathematics that go along with this are complicated and hella fun (if you like complex math :P).  But what’s in the norm is directly dependent on what you’re comparing it TO.  It’s not inherent.



Now I’m a staunch advocate of diversity, but to be diverse you need DIFFERENCE!  No one person or type of people is inherently diverse within themselves.  The norm needs the outliers, not only to continue to exist, but to be the norm in comparison.  Same with the outliers.  In ecosystems you need the norm to go about the vital everyday tasks of capturing energy, photosynthesizing, symbiosis, eating and being eaten.  The Norm needs the outliers, the extremophiles, to break new ground, inhabit “hostile” environments, fill fringe niches, capture and make available to others rare minerals, etc.  Same with humans, we need people who are good at working with people, but we also need, farmers, mathematicians, architects, people who see the world in the same way we do, people who see the world opposite of how we do.  And we all need all of them.


Diversity is necessary for sustainability.  We are all interconnected and we all need each other.


The “Norm” in our society wears a halo, and I want to do nothing more than to rip off that halo and let the norm be what it is – a useful piece of statistics. (In my angrier moments I want to rip it off and trample it in the mud, hard.)  This idea that simply because someone else is doing something you should be doing it is not useful. You don’t like to have sex the way that the person next to you does. Fine. Whether you like it more kinky or more vanilla than they do, with guys or girls or someone in between. That’s cool.  If you learn differently from the person next to you, or are good at different things. Once again – fine! We NEED you.


The halo should belong on all of us.


POSTSCRIPT:  Another Idea I’ve been thinking about is: everybody has a “center” and the farther away from you your center is, the more energy and resources you lose. (I’m not talking here about being self – centered.) For instance if you’re a woman and the center of your world is a theoretical man, then you get less resources, and not only that, but you waste more energy because everything is taught in a way to be easy for a man to do it, but with a different body construction, center of gravity etc. it’s not so efficient for you.  One of the reasons that southwestern cities are using so much water, is that eastern cities are taken to be the model. So everything is done to get rid of water.  Sidewalks that slope INTO the street for better drainage, non-native plants, swathes of grass.  All these things were thought until recently to be beautiful and the way a city SHOULD be.


Jul. 2nd, 2009 10:54 pm
cereus: Ringtail Cat climbing tree (Default)
Ok, I'm back from low-spoons week.

Something Raven said recently:  "It seems like I'm freer than ever"  Sometimes two-person (scratch that any intimate relationship) can be a place of freedom, to try stuff out, to say things you've never said before.

On the other hand, I've been having a good rope-filled night. :)

OK maybe I'm not quite back. but getting there.
cereus: Ringtail Cat climbing tree (Sandworm)

In some ways SM almost seems to be about emulating or channeling divinity.  The top is omnipotent, and the bottom is immortal.  The top can not only literally do anything but also knows deep things about their partner (omniscience?) and can have the experience of exercising that power justly. The feeling of just passing through things that may kill you and emerging unharmed.  Taking all the destructive forces into your body and transforming them into life giving energy. And plus being indestructible and all that – that’s probably how the gods would roll if they existed. ;) (I’m not saying they don’t I just have no empirical way to find out and don’t care much)


May. 13th, 2009 02:56 pm
cereus: Ringtail Cat climbing tree (Default)
OK : Warning this is going to be a really rough draft.  But I've been thinking about this for years and I'm finally getting to the point where I can sorta-write about it.  I know - I come up with big Ideas, but it can take months/years to say them - it makes for sucky conversation.  And the latest post on SM-F triggered this.  Because I see one attitude in rape and the other in BDSM I guess.

One of the things that bugs me is the way stoicism gets put up on some pedestal and masochism gets dragged through the dirt.

Stoicism - going into a bad situation DESPITE the fact that you hate it for the benefit of others.

Masochism: going into a bad, dangerous, scary, difficult situation BECAUSE it's something you can enjoy or get something out of that might benefit other people.

It seems that the first one makes you a hero, the second one makes you a creep.

I can't afford to be stoic, it's like my mortal enemy.  I see myself stuck in a bad situation that I don't want to be in, frozen because I should just be self sacrificing and put up with it.  Going Numb. I see myself turning away from enjoyable things (that others might even appreciate me doing) because I might enjoy them and that would be sick.

Or dancing trough flames, unharmed.  A plant rooted in bare rock, my face turned towards the unmitigated sun, the monsoon deluge.
(Or in Dune, transforming the Water from poison into the stuff of visions ;) )

Numbness and pain, or joy.

My experience with SM and Hypersensitivity/Autism actually are mutually beneficial because they both show how to enjoy myself even if it means doing something different than other people find enjoyable.  I can put a soft limit on sustained social interaction and noisy places (and cold :( ).  I can fully enjoy 100+ temperatures.  My body can perform miracles, It Comes First.  No matter if what it wants is not what it's supposed to.

May 2017



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