thank you for responding (this is Amanda). I feel like this definitely ties into being a quote unquote strong woman. I don't apologize as much as I used to--at least I don't think I do, because I don't see people obsessively commenting on it anymore most of the time. But I used to apologize a lot and people just couldn't handle it. Some of the people I remember being the most annoying about it were "strong women."
Some people would make a big deal out of saying, "Oh, don't worry about it, don't apologize so much!" in a way that made me feel like I was being rude and not fitting into their set of social norms, just because I tended to be confused about what was going on and was trying to be careful and polite.
There's also the assumption that I am insecure, immature, etc.--sure I might be, but no more than people who never apologize and barrel their way through life. I'd rather be like I am now than be like them (and I'm speaking as a person who once apologized to someone because he knocked me down with his bicycle and gave me a concussion).
Also some people would say that it made them uncomfortable and upset how much I apologized. First of all they seemed to think that if I just knew other people felt bad, I would be able to stop. The apologizing stuff was a big part of me, not something superficial that I could turn on and off. But also, it's just kind of annoying that people can't handle the way someone else talks. (To be clear, I wasn't like tearfully, endlessly apologizing for stuff; I would just neutrally say "sorry" a lot and make self-deprecating comments. My intent was to give an impression of being slow, which I am, while also being somewhat funny.)
Anyway, I know this isn't exactly what you're talking about, but anyway I like your post.
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branchandroot
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Date: 2010-10-20 10:23 pm (UTC)Some people would make a big deal out of saying, "Oh, don't worry about it, don't apologize so much!" in a way that made me feel like I was being rude and not fitting into their set of social norms, just because I tended to be confused about what was going on and was trying to be careful and polite.
There's also the assumption that I am insecure, immature, etc.--sure I might be, but no more than people who never apologize and barrel their way through life. I'd rather be like I am now than be like them (and I'm speaking as a person who once apologized to someone because he knocked me down with his bicycle and gave me a concussion).
Also some people would say that it made them uncomfortable and upset how much I apologized. First of all they seemed to think that if I just knew other people felt bad, I would be able to stop. The apologizing stuff was a big part of me, not something superficial that I could turn on and off. But also, it's just kind of annoying that people can't handle the way someone else talks. (To be clear, I wasn't like tearfully, endlessly apologizing for stuff; I would just neutrally say "sorry" a lot and make self-deprecating comments. My intent was to give an impression of being slow, which I am, while also being somewhat funny.)
Anyway, I know this isn't exactly what you're talking about, but anyway I like your post.