So much is going right in my life right now. Raven and I have had the most incredible conversations and we’re very close right now – doors opening that have never been open (at least in words) I’ve got what’s pretty close to a taste of my dream job in the form of an internship. I’m (hopefully) going back to college soon. The girl from the bus and I have been hanging out. I am at home with my loved Desert. There’s this bubble of happy that keeps on popping up. And that in and of itself is a good thing. A year ago I wouldn’t have felt that, I was too burnt out and used up in the aftermath of trying to make myself work where I couldn’t and trying to appear normal. I’m healing. Not that life is perfect, though. I'm in a sea of paperwork, and sometimes the adrenalin brings back the old tightness in my lungs and a hint of the burned-out feeling. but still.
I should write more about it later. But here's a summary.
I spent time before not just scared but also using adrenalin to hotwire my body into "normal" speed via fight or flight. It worked (pretty much) but the slightest bit of adrenalin became painful (and forget about endorphins) but now I've been rationing it for life and limb purposes and it's receeding.